Caught in Headlights

A dear caught in headlights. Usually when this term is used it refers to people or animals being caught off guard. That is exactly how I feel right now, and lately it seems as if I am stuck in these headlights. Everything is catching me off guard, and I don't know how to react. I just stand here in shock not knowing what to do next.


It is really an awful feeling to be caught off guard, especially when it is constant. I don't know if it's because my brain isn't working or what, though usually I feel so happy and full of life and optimism... but all I have been feeling lately is stuck, appalled, sad, and scared. I don't know what to expect next since everything has been happening so weirdly. Their is money draining from every pocket, their are arguments in important relationships, there are questions about the future. I just don't know where to go from here.

When I was little I spent the night at my Grandmothers house and right after bed time a thunder storm started. I remember hearing thunder boom and echo off the mountains, I saw lightening that seemed to be right outside the window. When I went to tell her I was afraid she told my to pull the covers over my head and close my eyes, and soon, before I knew it I would open my eyes and it would be morning and everything would be gone. How right she was. I keep wishing I could apply the same thing to what I am feeling now.

I wish I could pull the covers over my eyes and when I woke up it would be gone. But it doesn't work. Every time I wake up I keep finding myself caught in head lights. How many times can I be surprised? Am I getting surprised by the same things? Or, are they even similar. Can I change things or fix them? I don't know. I guess all I can do is wait and analyze things until some kind of solution comes up. I just really really hate this feeling.

Moving Along

I once lived in Lake Tahoe, on the state border of Nevada and California. It was truly beautiful. My backyard was mountains and hiking trails that lead to the lake (Lake Tahoe.) I remember riding bikes along the trails and jumping in the cool refreshing lake, I remember the cattails that my sister and I used to whack on the tree stumps in attempt to get the fuzz to fly everywhere. Up north really is as beautiful and interesting and as fun as people make it seem. When I first moved to F.L., it was a little difficult to adapt to all the changes.  The scenery the weather, the people. I often thought about moving up north again when I was of age.


Now I have really come to terms with F.L. and started appreciating her for what she was/is worth. Relaxing hot summer days, the smell of salt in the air when your near the ocean, the gentle cooing and cawing of the water birds. There is so much to love! 


Humans are creatures of adaption, that is our strong point. There is no other species that can adapt as fast as us. And, I have really come to love that about ourselves. I no longer dream of leaving F.L.. However I do still love the mountains and everything they offer. I do wish I could have it all. In fact one day when I win the lottery I will buy a house up north and here in the south,... maybe even some houses in other countries! I love the earth, i love different climates and atmosphere's and cultures. The world has so much to offer us, I wish I could take it all. I have such a deep hunger for it. Such a longing to see all I can see. 

But for now,... I am content where I am at! I love my life, I love the beach. The feel of the sun beating against your skin, the bare clean sky lines of the beaches with tall city buildings dabbled here and there. I really could not be displeased with what I have been given. Moving has been an overall wonderful experience! I have learned so much I might not have learned had I stayed in the same place my entire life. :)

A Flash of Light

Sometimes good people come into our lives, other times we are not so fortunate. At some point or another, we might take these people for granted, taking advantage of them, not taking their thoughts or feelings into consideration. These are some of the more difficult or serious relationships we may find ourselves engaged in. How do you know when enough is enough without a guilty feeling that you've thrown in the towel too early? What if all you are hoping for is acceptance and caring in the person who should be most willing. These are questions I think run through a lot of our minds. Especially people who feel they have been abandoned, wrongly judged, or just plain neglected. There are so many variables causing these questions to jump around in your minds everywhere. You might feel like you can't wait until things aren't so difficult, if it could even get easier. Is every ones life like this; always trying so hard and worrying all the time that your not doing it "right". I guess the way you know when enough is enough is when you realize that these people (no matter how much we love them, or want to make the relationship work) aren't learning from their mistakes. When they continually make the same ones over, and over, and over again. When you realized that by trying to maintain a relationship with this person/s you are you doing more damage to yourself, that's when you know this person has got to go go go.

It may seem like after a short amount of time has gone by that they have forgotten all about you, like you were never that important. BUT YOU ARE!!! You see, no matter how you got through this and everything else previously, you held your head high and continued to push forward seeking what you knew you deserved! It takes some people a life time to see that they themselves are worthy people. Worthy of love, health, peace of mind, and respect. It is these people who try to bring us down. They do not know that they are worthy of these things, so why should anyone else be worthy of such beautiful gifts? So, subconsciously they bring us down by whatever means necessary lying, cheating, be-belittling, imposing guilt on others etc..

It is important that we are aware of these amazing things that we are entitled to. I feel truly sorry for the people who don't realize it. Our lives are short and getting shorter, to live a life constantly denying yourself and others of such great pleasures is a very sad life indeed. Our lives flash by before us, bold and beautiful but quickly gone. Why sentence yourself to such agony. Instead, take everything in equally. Surround yourself with healthy relationships that leave you yearning for more! Don't ever doubt your value, don't ever question your worth. The more you push your horizons and continue to love learning and improving, the more you are worth. The more you say your worth, the more you actually are. ... Just don't go over board and get to big for your britches. Then, you just look silly.

I chose this picture because I feel it accurately depicts our lives shining bright and beautifully. But seeing as this is an action shot, it is all too clear that this light will soon be absent, as will we. Shine while we can, be the best people we can possibly be! Never take the ones you love for granted, no matter how easy it is to pick up the behaviors of the ones that we loved who did it to us. Do NOT follow in their footsteps. Be who you are and stand up for what you believe to be good, and true, and worthy. Never let your light fade. If you can give yourself happiness then you are set for life, no matter what it throws your way!

I'mmmm baaaack...

I guess you could say I took a summer break from the blogging. Here in FL it is so easy to get sidetracked, there is so much to do and never a dull moment, I can honestly say that, there is never a dull moment.

However, I cannot honestly say that I spent the entirety of my time at the beach or doing fun things. Though I did do a lot of fun things, I have also been working a lot and trying to save up money for a car. Just when we (my boyfriend and I) thought we might have enough money for a car,... we have an unfortunate emergency room visit. I am however happy to announce that he made a quick recovery and is very healthy. Nothing means more to me than that. However it seems with that aside, expenses keep building up and money keeps disappearing.

The reason I chose to post this picture is because no matter what happens and how stressed your everyday life makes you, it is important to just let go sometimes. Let go of your stress let go of your discipline and just relax and enjoy your self. Weather you enjoy it alone or with friends. However you should not let go to the point that you loose all control and spiral downward into destruction. It is a good practice to let go, we cannot always control every aspect of our lives. Eventually money will have to be spent despite our attempts to save, health problems will arise with no warnings, to have complete control over our lives is not possible and to try to accomplish that would be self destruction in a sense. You would only be stressing yourself out over the inevitable and stress can cause a variety of health problems as well as mental and emotional problems. So just let go. ^_^

I was alone when I took this picture. I decided to go to the beach by myself and just get some sun and fresh air. I thought it would do me some good to get away by myself for a while. And it did, I felt soo much better when I came back home. I packed myself a lunch, took some pictures, and relaxed. It was all very enjoyable and refreshing.

Warmth in the Cold

Sitting around the fire place
Sipping tea
Cuddled in a warm blanket
Windows frosted up
Jingle Bells playing far in the distance

Oh how I wish that we could experience this type of weather in FL without moving.

The weather Channel is hosting a Fall Photography contest. First place winner is the recipient of $2,500! I think I may enter it, though I have some odds working against me,... like the fact that I live in FL and it is still summer weather, and that we don't have many trees if any where the leaves change colors. So, that means I will have to find a way to use these "disadvantages" to my advantage! I want something that says this is what fall is like in FL, something that makes people feel like they want to be where my picture was taken, something that says "WINNER!!!" In order to do this I will need to take many pictures, and weed through them finding the best, I also, need to look at what I am up against; find their flaws and their strong points then I need to keep that in mind when I take my picture. Will I use a close up that seems to be my strength, or will I be daring and use a long shot? What will I incorporate in the picture? I need to focus on my strengths but I don't want the picture to be typical.

So I guess I won't be posting pictures for a while, because even though I will be taking them I don't want anyone to steal my ideas. Although, I will post what I have chosen after it is submitted. Thank you guys for your support!!

Fall Festivities

Fall stirs up a lot of emotion in people it seems, The changing colors of the leaves, refreshing breezes, mounds of comfort food, and I think it may just be the only time of year before Thanksgiving that people act truly thankful, just about all of us love the change fall brings with her.

This year it started with a cold front in October. Everyone was so excited! And just as it ended Halloween came right around the corner. Soon, we (my boyfriend and I) will have some friends visiting from out of state, then it will be Thanksgivings turn to flash it's warm festive colors, and spread those comforting filling aromas that make as all kinda sleepy yet eager to be with family and friends at the same time!

This is a picture that I feel reflects my feelings for fall. Now, granted it is a photo from Halloween so it mostly reflects Halloween, but the colors scream fall!

However I have noticed that along with my lack of keeping up this "daily" blog, the majority of my photos are all close ups. I do enjoy close up because of the intimacy and the direct approach of the subject. Though I do think some more long distance shots of wider areas and sky lines might have a different but equal effect. So I will go out today and take a lot of shots and filter through them using each for a new blog.

Oh, and just a side note: "I would like to thank my followers, I now have two. Both of whom I love. My Dear Grandfather who has never let me down and continues to love me no matter what, and my wonderful supporting friend who never fails to show me a fun time and makes me feel worthy of, well, me I guess. Thanks a ton to both of you!"

Freedom

Today was an important day for me. I started out by eating a healthy breakfast with all the food groups invited. ^_^. And I had a math test, spent some time sharpening my video game skills, got into it with a close friend, complained about it to another, came home and read something very comforting that some one very great and wise and close to me wrote, to me. The reason today was so important is because I acknowledged a lot. First I realized that I am my own worst enemy, not math. Of course I already knew this, and I was aware that I often felt very anxious when it came to math, but, I really showed myself. I was able to calm myself for this math test even though I was unsure of knowing everything I needed to know. I helped myself to not get worked up and forget everything, I realized my strength! Secondly, Getting into with my friend also taught me something I am having a hard time grasping. I can lead a horse to water but I can't make it drink. I can tell someone what is unhealthy and I can tell some one how not to hurt themselves, but I can't make them better themselves or keep them from hurting themselves. But I do not have to sit there and let myself be used as a crutch. I do not need someone telling me to not get involved even though they know they are hurting themselves but then tell me to be there when they are hurting. I don't need to be used by the ones I love just because I love them. Lastly, sometimes when you think you have lost something so dear to you and you search and search and cannot seem to find it, when it pains you to even think about, sometimes you never lost it at all, it just wasn't what you thought it was. Well, it's what you thought it was but it isn't in the form you thought it was. I just want to say that I love my Grandpa. And I always will. I may realize I don't need other ppl or things that I thought I did, but I will always have my grandpa and I will always love him. Today was an important because I had a lot open up to me. I feel so free, like how your body feels when you are just floating, suspended in water. Kinda like your flying. That's why I posted this picture, it shows the sky which indicates freedom, but it also shows the road which indicates a path for you to follow. I feel like my work is cut out for me and in that I am free!

Untitled

I love order,... like I was talking about in last nights post, sometimes things in life seem so chaotic. When things are in order, everything has it's special place, and you know just about every outcome of your decisions. Don't get me wrong, I love spontaneity as well. But some things in life are just better planned. For example, you cannot just up leave for vacation if you have work, school, kids, pets, or budgeted funds. You have to be able to afford to be spontaneous, otherwise you are just creating more work for yourself. And then everything will build up and you won't ever be able to finish. I really do love being spontaneous, in fact when I retire one day I hope that I will be able to do almost anything I want when I want. Or when I have kids, I don't want to have to tell them they can't go somewhere or do something because we can't afford it. Even short term, I would like to be able to say one week end, "Lets go to Disney!", and be able to do it. That's why I love organization, it helps you have fun! Idk, I like this photo because the posts in the fence create a unity with their continued repeating patterns, and then all of a sudden, BAM!!! Smooth fun curly, wavy, lines. The porch railing can afford to have interesting detail because it is consistent in it's function, form, and structure. Adding this bit of exciting detail allows the viewer and the home owner to enjoy it's presence.

Familiarity

Often times I find myself feeling anxious and annoyed, everything is scattered, unorganized, and hectic. This is when I take a moment and look over my budget, readjusting it, and write down my schedule organizing everything down to the last detail. It is times like this that I find comfort in traditional contemporary lines. I know I have already posted these pictures, although I am pleased with the diference of feeling you get by looking at the pictures put together on a plain, clean, simple background as opposed to looking at each individually.

Making me look.

I love how things sometimes seem as if they are something they are not. Of course you know I did not make this art piece in this picture but I needed to take a picture because it really hit a cord in me. To me this sculptor looks like a seal, and the colors make me think of seals balancing beach balls on their nose. I love when an artists work makes me stare!

Happy 21st to Me!!!

Yay! Yesterday was my twenty first birthday! I watched: "Where the Wild Things Are" and had came home to "chill" with some friends. We had a few shots of Patron Citronge and some Jack Daniels Watermelon Spike. I hate to disappoint some of you out there but no,... I did not get drunk, it's just not me. But I did have fun!! First time buying alcohol! But now I guess since I am 21 I have to start acting all grown up and official,..... screw that!! I am gonna stay a kid forever!!!! At least in my mind. I am just half kidding I know when I need to take things seriously, but if you don't always need to but do anyways,... your on a fast road long painfully boring OLD life. Come on ppl we have to stay young at heart otherwise there is nothing worth living for!!


Day to day in this stiff suit,
Through the jungle of tall glass and steel trees,
Danger lurking in every direction,
See the hungry man of immense size,
Watch closely how he tears into his prey...,
The donut once at peace now fears for his life,
He can see this ginormous creature tearing into the rest of the colony,
Watch as he gulps down the coffee dribbling onto his chin and down his shirt,
See the news paper scattered on the ground, torn and abused,
It once had a nice life,
People cared for it and loved it,
They printed their stories on his body using gentle precision for each new letter,

See the pointy woman,
Her shoulders and nose seem to point at everyone,
Accusing them of failure,
She pounds the key board connected to the mother ship,
Sending commands and orders to every peon,
Her shadow lurks eerily in your direction,
Move away so you are not pinned in her path to be the next one fallen,

But wait,...
What is that,
Over in the shadows,
There do you see the outline,
It is soft, and comforting,
Silky petals reaching upwards towards the sky,
It seems so strong,
Yet at the same time so weak,
It grows rapidly and unnoticed,
Perhaps the brightest thing in this hard grey jungle of steel, glass, and stone,
It seems to be from ancient times,
Never before have I seen such beauty and strength at once,

Maybe a new era is coming,
Maybe life as we know it is changing,
Will we not have to worry about the man of immense size,
Or the woman with her pointy lurking shadow,
It seems that possibly things are going back to how you thought they once were,
How it seemed when you were young,
The circle of life is now taking control.....

I love this picture, whenever I look at it I am comforted by the asymmetrical balance the fish swimming at the bottom balance out the lotus flower at the top as do the shine of the coins at the bottom and the white on the flower. Not to mention this is probably one of the best picture I have taken!

Morning Wood

I was walking through the neighborhood and I was this in someones back yard it was soo cute so I just had to take a picture, I hope you all enjoy it!!

Colors

Today when I woke it was like every other morning, though I did not follow my normal routine I was unusually awake this morning, so their was no groggy fumbling trying to wake up. I went outside to take pictures with my puppy which was very hard because he kept pulling on the leash causing my to get many blurry shots.

However I think that this unexpected cold front makes things a bit less aggravating, in fact it inspires me and so that was the reason I went a long walk for picture taking. I got some pretty good shots I think. More reasons I love FL: the inspiring cold fronts which last long enough to make you miss, enjoy, and finally tire of the cold; the beautiful colors of all the flowers, flowers that you usually only see FL; Lastly as I have mentioned before, (I think) the laid back feeling. Above are examples of the oh so wonderful color that I love!

Biscuts and Cake

I like this sign because it gives you a nice home feeling, and when the coral is added you think "beach" and I don't know about you guys but when I have these two feelings I don't think it could feel anymore like home. I am not originally from FL but after 10yrs I have definitely become a Floridian! And in my opinion I could hang this picture in my future dwellings, not because of the quality, (I am not sure if the quality is that good) but, because of the feeling it gives me, I guess that has something to do with the quality... idk. ^_^ Well feedback is welcomed! Oh and there is no life lesson I can incorporate with picture, this sign just always made me feel comforted!

I really like this photo because of the repetition of the blinds in the background and the variety of all the different seashells. I think it shows good principles of design and besides that, I made the wind chime. You cannot tell from this angle but the top of the wind chime is made with recycled magazine pages. I started by cutting strips in the pages and rolling them up. Then I would smush the rolls flat and glued them together in a circle. I made sure that it would not fall apart by binding them with fishing string. Which can be very tricky if you do not know how to do a fishing knot. It is physically tiring as well. You have to attach the shells in a specific pattern while your body is twisted in positions you probably don't find yourself in often. It was pretty hard for me because of my back prob. ^_^!

I thoroughly enjoy the beach, and I even get a little excited when walking along the sand finding a spot to settle down for the next few hrs. I start thinking about all the shells I will find and what I can make with them. I feel so free when my body is suspended in the water. And I sure you know as well as I do how peace it is to just lay back on the sand and listen to the seagulls and the waves crash on the shore.

Just the other day I was at the beach (if you didn't already assume that) and I had a first time encounter with a jelly fish. I knew what they looked like from books and pictures and the discovery channel. Thankfully the experience was not spoiled by it stinging me, (as soon as I saw it I fled in panic ^_^.) I was beautiful looking back on it though. It was pink, my favorite color, and when I think back to the way it swam, it was so calm as if the waves had no effect on it. It was as if the water just went through it, not pushing it at all. lol. Meanwhile whenever a wave hits me, a much bigger creature, lol, I fall over just about every time! hehe!

Cycle

I am still new at this blog thing and I am still missing days. But I will continue to try. I think that the consistency of this blogging project is a good lesson to learn.

Lately, nothing exciting has been going on. Just the same cycle of everyday life. My schedule consists of waking up around 8 am on school days 9 or 10 am every other day,as soon as i get up i go to the restroom. Make a pot of coffee. Start cooking either eggs or pancakes. Shower, do homework, feed and walk the dog, finally on school days I head out and don't get home until around 6pm ish. And I start studying again, then I play video games for about 1-2 hrs and go to bed around 12am.

That's why I chose to take a picture of a fountain that is in our front yard. The water cycles through the fountain and even though it is the same water, it comes out different every time, it filters it slightly, the pattern of the flow is never the same, much like a finger print. Also, for some reason it is calming to hear the rhythmic cycle of the water, just as it is to have a set morning, you start to relax and soon you don't want to change a thing. Although, change is sometimes good, like this blog I am doing. While I get so relaxed and don't really want to get up always and take a minute to right about a picture i take, it will benefit me in the sense that it will improve my skill and teach me to finish something I start.

Taking Time to smell the flowers

I have skipped two days on my blog. :( I wanted to do this everyday, and now I am so disappointing with myself. I have been very busy lately. But every once in a while I remind myself to stop and smell the flowers. Like I was walking town this street in TN when I looked down in the ditch and saw these beautiful flowers, so I took a picture of them, whenever I get over worked I just look at this picture.

Diamond in the Rough

Sometimes as you go about in day to day life it is easy to get stuck on the little things. It is so easy in fact, I think a lot of us allow ourselves to sincerely dedicate our precious time to eliminating little things about people we are close to instead of reminding ourselves of what we love about these oh so special people. Like in my first picture, You see a ton of bare brown tree branches that are getting in the way of viewing a beautiful bird. But in my second picture you see that sometimes added obstacles such as all those leaves help us to recognize the beauty in things such as that bird house. I think that if there was no leaves (obstacles) around the bird house it would not be as pretty as it is now. We only have a one hundred yrs to live, if that. Why waste any time trying to change ppl? The next time you find yourself arguing about something with someone special, ask yourself, will this matter in ten yrs?

Hard work pays off.

I was never a very good student in fact I was a fairly bad one. It started in elementary I suppose. I had a problem with math, and no one knew how to explain in ways that I would understand. I got punished, yelled at, lectured, and I was made to sit for hours practicing flash cards of multiplication table. Which btw I still have not completely memorized 1-12, apparently the majority of ppl have memorized them. Any who, I started wanting to play hooky and say I was sick,... it worked a few times. In middle school I had made up my mind to stop talking to ppl because I was teased so much in elementary. (The teachers and kids would imply that I was dumb or at least that I was not as smart as the average grade school child)In high school I became friends with the wrong crowds because they were the only ones who wouldn't pick on me. I started skipping school and doing drugs.

Well, things changed quickly for me when I turned 17. I got kicked out and I finally starting growing up. I was always labeled the problem child so even though I started to grow up I always had a uniqueness to me that some might view as a rebel streak, I don't agree. I got my first job moved in with I girl I met in middle school, (ok so I talked to someone, but not really anyone else.)I kinda wound up in a relationship that wasn't too healthy and my sister and I both moved in with him and his mother and sister. He was an asshole I ended spending my first years salary all on him and food. (4,000$)Any who, long story short I met the man of my dreams told my boyfriend to shove it, (not literally,) learned to stick up for myself and re-enrolled in college. (I had taken a yr off previously because I kept failing)

Now I live with my wonderful boyfriend who supports and loves and respects me and never takes me for granted. We aren't rich, we live with his parents, but I guarantee you won't find more love anywhere else in the world. We each come from a different past and we understand the importance of appreciating our loved ones. And finally, I am an "A" student. Now granted I am only taking 2 classes so I can climb out of academic probation and not overwhelm myself with more classes than I can handle. But one of my classes is MATH!! The other is art, which if you did know me, you wouldn't need me to tell you I have been waiting forever to take an art class!I love all forms of art, my top fav.s are oil painting, photography, and making little nic-nacs! I take more pictures because their cheap, and I occasionally make nic-nacs, because they are the second cheapest.

So yeah,... when people say hard work pays off,... it really does. You just have to be willing to put your literal ALL into it! And lemme tell you,... IT FEELS GREAT!!!!

(This picture I took in TN as well, my friend and I were walking around town and three men were sitting playing music and it just really gave the surrounding a very sincere close feeling, you just felt like a part of the community)