You know, I love painting. There are a lot of things I love...., like cooking and baking, and sewing, and taking pictures. I always try to do the things I love, it keeps me happy and content. However, I am not painting, or doing any kind of art on similar mediums. I always bake and cook, my sister just got me a sewing machine for Christmas, and before that I sewed by hand, and you all know I take pictures. Why don't I do more art on mediums such as canvas or paper?

My Grandfather is a wonderful artist, he has picked it up in the past years and is pretty talented I might add. His work is very interesting. He finds time to write, paint and take pictures. He lives a pretty healthy lifestyle and it shows in his work. You can tell he works out cognitively and he even mentions getting out and doing physical work as well, like hiking and biking, and I even think he lifts weights sometimes! His lifestyle and good habits are portrayed in all his work. And to see such drive, happiness, and determination is very inspirational. Every time I look at his work weather it be just writing, or if he posts pictures taken earlier that day of whats gone on during that day, or if he up loads a painting he has finished.

Maybe I should start getting more involved in that hobby as well the others. Sooo,.... You may start to see some of my own work posted up (besides my photographs).

It is odd how our minds work, we can be so compassionate one minute, and so selfish the next.

I remember when I was younger, I used to spend the night at my best friends house pretty often. We would spend the whole night locked up in her room. We would play with these high fashion dolls and plan out how our future would be. (We would live next door to each other and our children would grow up together. One of us would have a hot tub on their back patio and the would have a bar on theirs. We planned trips that we would go on road trips to reach the intended destination. We would be each others maid of honor. We would get drunk for the first time together on our 21st birthday.

Nowadays we are lucky to talk once or twice a month. She got engaged to a preacher in another country and moved down to live with him. Leaving everything behind. I should be happy for her, but all I can think of is much i miss the friend I used to have.

It's not just the distance between us either. We have grown to be very different people. Sometimes I think that she just stopped moving forward and took a few steps backwards. But I wont ever have that relationship with anyone, and maybe never again with us. We don't even think alike anymore.


What are we suppose to do in situations like these? How do we grow and turn it into a learning experience? For me, I've started talking to other people more. I try and socialize even though sometimes it proves to be difficult. I would be most comfortable to stay locked up in my room where I don't need to get used to anyone.

I am getting quite good at "conversating" (One of my bosses made that up) :], and sometimes I notice that my style will get a tad bit better.

My friend and I will always remain friends, I am just concerned one day we may not hold each other in the same regards as we used to.

Keeping Up

Today the time seems to go by so fast, not just today but all days... it just seems that they all blend together whirring right by you. Keeping up a blog, keeping up with friends and family. It becomes kind of tedious. It seems as if you look the other way for just a minute, or if you take the shortest of breaks that not only do you miss out on so much,... but you also grow further apart from your loved ones.

Sometimes, even if you are able to keep up with those around you, it seems that they change so drastically that it is almost not the way things are suppose to happen. What do you do when you have so many people changing in so many opposite ways, tearing at you from both sides. They all need a different side of you, they all need to be treated a different way. And, you know? I am starting feel like I am so different from them that I sometimes cannot relate. But I love them all so much that I hate the thought of not being around them... even if at times I don't understand them and they may even drive me into utter confusion with their actions, feelings, and logic. Is this normal? Is this the way adult relationships work? Do we only deal with people until we feel that we can no longer be around them and then take a break until we feel refreshed and able to deal with the confusion again?

So often I find myself becoming more of a hermit, concealing myself further away from the hustle and bustle of the everyday drama of people and their needs and emotions. I don't really mind being alone. All I have to look out for is me, I don't have to rack my brain thinking of new ways to help someone else and then sometimes my advice, thoughts, or opinions are just thrown to the side, as if they had or have a better solution. Yet they still seem to be unhappy with things and they still talk about it all the time.

When I was younger even up until a few years ago, I used to be an incredibly stubborn girl. I always had to learn things my way, the hard way, the trail and error way. I got myself into trouble a countless number of times. I played with dangerous things I never even should have been introduced to in the first place. And why, all because I THOUGHT that I would be sooo wise if I was able to try every experience I could. Yes, experiences make you wiser, but is it really that wise to go looking for trouble or to ignore the solutions of other people who have gone the same thing, if not very similar situations. Is it wise to toss around your health and own well being because you want to do things by yourself, and on your own? Sometimes, that is what I feel like some of the people in my life are doing.

I really just wish things could be as simple as they once were. I have come to the realization that you cannot control other people and that you cannot take care of everyone no matter how much you love them. But it is tiring to remember and when someone asks for my help or my opinion I give it to them and I always will. I just think that maybe one day my voice will be heard and I might be able to help someone I might be able to save someone from making a big mistake, or I might help them reach a solution or have an epiphany.

All I really want is to better understand people and connect better with them.

I do not have a picture for this post.

Caught in Headlights

A dear caught in headlights. Usually when this term is used it refers to people or animals being caught off guard. That is exactly how I feel right now, and lately it seems as if I am stuck in these headlights. Everything is catching me off guard, and I don't know how to react. I just stand here in shock not knowing what to do next.


It is really an awful feeling to be caught off guard, especially when it is constant. I don't know if it's because my brain isn't working or what, though usually I feel so happy and full of life and optimism... but all I have been feeling lately is stuck, appalled, sad, and scared. I don't know what to expect next since everything has been happening so weirdly. Their is money draining from every pocket, their are arguments in important relationships, there are questions about the future. I just don't know where to go from here.

When I was little I spent the night at my Grandmothers house and right after bed time a thunder storm started. I remember hearing thunder boom and echo off the mountains, I saw lightening that seemed to be right outside the window. When I went to tell her I was afraid she told my to pull the covers over my head and close my eyes, and soon, before I knew it I would open my eyes and it would be morning and everything would be gone. How right she was. I keep wishing I could apply the same thing to what I am feeling now.

I wish I could pull the covers over my eyes and when I woke up it would be gone. But it doesn't work. Every time I wake up I keep finding myself caught in head lights. How many times can I be surprised? Am I getting surprised by the same things? Or, are they even similar. Can I change things or fix them? I don't know. I guess all I can do is wait and analyze things until some kind of solution comes up. I just really really hate this feeling.

Moving Along

I once lived in Lake Tahoe, on the state border of Nevada and California. It was truly beautiful. My backyard was mountains and hiking trails that lead to the lake (Lake Tahoe.) I remember riding bikes along the trails and jumping in the cool refreshing lake, I remember the cattails that my sister and I used to whack on the tree stumps in attempt to get the fuzz to fly everywhere. Up north really is as beautiful and interesting and as fun as people make it seem. When I first moved to F.L., it was a little difficult to adapt to all the changes.  The scenery the weather, the people. I often thought about moving up north again when I was of age.


Now I have really come to terms with F.L. and started appreciating her for what she was/is worth. Relaxing hot summer days, the smell of salt in the air when your near the ocean, the gentle cooing and cawing of the water birds. There is so much to love! 


Humans are creatures of adaption, that is our strong point. There is no other species that can adapt as fast as us. And, I have really come to love that about ourselves. I no longer dream of leaving F.L.. However I do still love the mountains and everything they offer. I do wish I could have it all. In fact one day when I win the lottery I will buy a house up north and here in the south,... maybe even some houses in other countries! I love the earth, i love different climates and atmosphere's and cultures. The world has so much to offer us, I wish I could take it all. I have such a deep hunger for it. Such a longing to see all I can see. 

But for now,... I am content where I am at! I love my life, I love the beach. The feel of the sun beating against your skin, the bare clean sky lines of the beaches with tall city buildings dabbled here and there. I really could not be displeased with what I have been given. Moving has been an overall wonderful experience! I have learned so much I might not have learned had I stayed in the same place my entire life. :)

A Flash of Light

Sometimes good people come into our lives, other times we are not so fortunate. At some point or another, we might take these people for granted, taking advantage of them, not taking their thoughts or feelings into consideration. These are some of the more difficult or serious relationships we may find ourselves engaged in. How do you know when enough is enough without a guilty feeling that you've thrown in the towel too early? What if all you are hoping for is acceptance and caring in the person who should be most willing. These are questions I think run through a lot of our minds. Especially people who feel they have been abandoned, wrongly judged, or just plain neglected. There are so many variables causing these questions to jump around in your minds everywhere. You might feel like you can't wait until things aren't so difficult, if it could even get easier. Is every ones life like this; always trying so hard and worrying all the time that your not doing it "right". I guess the way you know when enough is enough is when you realize that these people (no matter how much we love them, or want to make the relationship work) aren't learning from their mistakes. When they continually make the same ones over, and over, and over again. When you realized that by trying to maintain a relationship with this person/s you are you doing more damage to yourself, that's when you know this person has got to go go go.

It may seem like after a short amount of time has gone by that they have forgotten all about you, like you were never that important. BUT YOU ARE!!! You see, no matter how you got through this and everything else previously, you held your head high and continued to push forward seeking what you knew you deserved! It takes some people a life time to see that they themselves are worthy people. Worthy of love, health, peace of mind, and respect. It is these people who try to bring us down. They do not know that they are worthy of these things, so why should anyone else be worthy of such beautiful gifts? So, subconsciously they bring us down by whatever means necessary lying, cheating, be-belittling, imposing guilt on others etc..

It is important that we are aware of these amazing things that we are entitled to. I feel truly sorry for the people who don't realize it. Our lives are short and getting shorter, to live a life constantly denying yourself and others of such great pleasures is a very sad life indeed. Our lives flash by before us, bold and beautiful but quickly gone. Why sentence yourself to such agony. Instead, take everything in equally. Surround yourself with healthy relationships that leave you yearning for more! Don't ever doubt your value, don't ever question your worth. The more you push your horizons and continue to love learning and improving, the more you are worth. The more you say your worth, the more you actually are. ... Just don't go over board and get to big for your britches. Then, you just look silly.

I chose this picture because I feel it accurately depicts our lives shining bright and beautifully. But seeing as this is an action shot, it is all too clear that this light will soon be absent, as will we. Shine while we can, be the best people we can possibly be! Never take the ones you love for granted, no matter how easy it is to pick up the behaviors of the ones that we loved who did it to us. Do NOT follow in their footsteps. Be who you are and stand up for what you believe to be good, and true, and worthy. Never let your light fade. If you can give yourself happiness then you are set for life, no matter what it throws your way!

I'mmmm baaaack...

I guess you could say I took a summer break from the blogging. Here in FL it is so easy to get sidetracked, there is so much to do and never a dull moment, I can honestly say that, there is never a dull moment.

However, I cannot honestly say that I spent the entirety of my time at the beach or doing fun things. Though I did do a lot of fun things, I have also been working a lot and trying to save up money for a car. Just when we (my boyfriend and I) thought we might have enough money for a car,... we have an unfortunate emergency room visit. I am however happy to announce that he made a quick recovery and is very healthy. Nothing means more to me than that. However it seems with that aside, expenses keep building up and money keeps disappearing.

The reason I chose to post this picture is because no matter what happens and how stressed your everyday life makes you, it is important to just let go sometimes. Let go of your stress let go of your discipline and just relax and enjoy your self. Weather you enjoy it alone or with friends. However you should not let go to the point that you loose all control and spiral downward into destruction. It is a good practice to let go, we cannot always control every aspect of our lives. Eventually money will have to be spent despite our attempts to save, health problems will arise with no warnings, to have complete control over our lives is not possible and to try to accomplish that would be self destruction in a sense. You would only be stressing yourself out over the inevitable and stress can cause a variety of health problems as well as mental and emotional problems. So just let go. ^_^

I was alone when I took this picture. I decided to go to the beach by myself and just get some sun and fresh air. I thought it would do me some good to get away by myself for a while. And it did, I felt soo much better when I came back home. I packed myself a lunch, took some pictures, and relaxed. It was all very enjoyable and refreshing.