It is really an awful feeling to be caught off guard, especially when it is constant. I don't know if it's because my brain isn't working or what, though usually I feel so happy and full of life and optimism... but all I have been feeling lately is stuck, appalled, sad, and scared. I don't know what to expect next since everything has been happening so weirdly. Their is money draining from every pocket, their are arguments in important relationships, there are questions about the future. I just don't know where to go from here.
When I was little I spent the night at my Grandmothers house and right after bed time a thunder storm started. I remember hearing thunder boom and echo off the mountains, I saw lightening that seemed to be right outside the window. When I went to tell her I was afraid she told my to pull the covers over my head and close my eyes, and soon, before I knew it I would open my eyes and it would be morning and everything would be gone. How right she was. I keep wishing I could apply the same thing to what I am feeling now.
I wish I could pull the covers over my eyes and when I woke up it would be gone. But it doesn't work. Every time I wake up I keep finding myself caught in head lights. How many times can I be surprised? Am I getting surprised by the same things? Or, are they even similar. Can I change things or fix them? I don't know. I guess all I can do is wait and analyze things until some kind of solution comes up. I just really really hate this feeling.
